"Why" is uniquely human

I was motivated by The Captain's post to put in my one-cents worth. Call it a unique perspective from this side of the fence, call it feeling compelled to post after a long silence, whatever. As usual he said things in a clear way. So now that my brain is spooling up, get ready or hit "Back".

Everything in the universe has to have balance. Which means in a crappy way for every laugh, every smile, every joy someone somewhere experiences, there has to be a tragedy, a frown, a tear. Eventually we are all touched by sadness and loss, the only detail is to what degree. When it does come, I find that our inane "knee-jerk" is to spit out that little 3 letter word, "why"? Sure, you can go into an evolutionary discussion, about how that curiosity turns into action and how we moved past the other animals with the wheel, fire, and airplanes. Not the point I'm trying to make. It's more of a consequence of that curiosity that our minds want to reason things out, to know there is a logical reason something happened. And in the absence of that, the "why" effect jumps in front.

I've been asking a million versions of "why" about every 8 seconds for the past 6 weeks. You cannot help it. It feels hard-wired into us. And without a good, clear answer, we feel lost, out of control, and eventually in pain, either directly to ourselves or empathising for someone you care about. Having done both recently, I find it interesting that they are similar though different. In that theme, I have been both the recipient and the giver of words that Cap'n D. mentioned. Here's what I've learned:
To a large extent, the words don't matter. Words are grammer, ways we humans communicate a message and/or feelings. It's not necessarily the particular words, its the WAY they are said. It's the feeling and emotion behind those words that make them matter. The exact same wording can come from two different people with two different intents and the result is two different reactions. At the hospital that fateful, awful night, one of the nurses said "Sorry for your loss". I'm sure on some level he meant it, but he was saying it to a stranger so it felt more like a formality. Now when a close friend looks you in the eye or even their voice on the phone and says the exact same words, it is indescribably comforting. It helps make the pain bearable.

So there is no phrase that will do the trick. No magic words that will make things all better. Yes, you will still feel out of control and that sucks. It is only natural to say "if i had only...", even though you are deluding yourself. That's what we are supposed to do. Maybe you can learn from that if (God forbid) you are faced with a similar situation in the future. But being involved and having emotional ties to the situation MEANS you cannot always think of everything or probably do ANYTHING to prevent it from happening. There are times that no matter what you do, events are going to occur. There's only one "person" who makes those decisions, and you ain't Him. Like someone I know frequently says, things happen for a reason. You may find out what that reason is, although it won't be anytime soon. You aren't meant to know, at least at first. Those experiences are what shapes our lives and who we are. There is already a Plan, you just have to follow it. And being there for someone and speaking from your heart will let them know they aren't alone and things will be okay. That's the right thing to say.

So don't feel bad or helpless or frustrated asking "why". All you'll do is upset yourself further. There is a reason or reasons "why" stuff happens, we're just not meant to know it. You just have to believe it is for the best, and that (eventually) some good will come from the situation, that you are in good hands (no, this isn't an AllState ad) and you'll come out better than you ever dreamed. That's what FAITH is.

So there's some pontificating from the western frontier. ANd in keeping with the balance theme, I'll follow up this sad topic with a post that should make you laugh, once i download the pics. Let's just say Sarge's 1st time of trying to shave a Sheepdog by himself didn't go smoothly...